Henry’s Damn Ubuntu ReviewPosted on November 30th, 2005 22 comments
My name is Henry the Adequate and I am a superhero.
Some long-haired hippie type comes up to me in the street and says “Ubuntu, man.”
“Yeah, well, up yours too!” I respond. Jeez agressive people really are the pits.
“No, man, Ubuntu!” He hands me a CD. He must be a foreigner. Probably a spy. Hey, this might be some information about a secret Russian weapons program that he’s trying to give to our government.
“Thanks, comradski.” I hurry home immediately after I’ve finished beating the crap out of the hippie. Damn I hate foreigners.
The CD is round and has stuff written on it.
So my brand new Pentium Supercomputer doesn’t seem to be working that well at the moment, however some guy just gave me a Dell Poweredge 2300, which must be really good because the case is so big, and black, and 2300 is a really big number. It has some lights and buttons and things on the front, and makes a lot of noise when you turn it on.
I start the computer with the CD in (see my Damn Small Review for instructions on how to do this).
There’s a pretty Ubuntu screen, then I keep hitting Enter for a while. Then I’m at this screen called “Partition Disks”. There’s a lot of really technical looking stuff about “Logical Volume Manager” and RAID and stuff that I won’t bore you with now because I know you don’t have super intellects like me, but one of the options is “Guided partitioning.” That sounds good. I hit enter and I get a screen with only one option “Manually Edit Partition Table”. This option takes me back to the previous screen.
My eyes start to boggle a little bit, and my head feels as though there are ants crawling around inside it. In order to relieve the tension I attack the computer for a while with a big axe.
Then some guy on IRC says “modprobe megaraid, dude”. I find out his address using my super-psychic powers then go around and hack him to pieces with my axe because there’s nothing more annoying than an adult who says “dude”. Actually it turns out he’s a kid, but what the hell.
Back home again I notice some guy has responded to the dude-saying one. “STUPID NOOB. MEGARAID IS BROKEN IN THE BREEZY KERNEL.” He should show a little respect for the recently deceased, damn him. [Note to self: Seek out this Colonel dude, and find out what he knows.]
“Huh, WTF.” I reply, because that’s what most of the people on these forums seem to say. Not too sure what it means, but apparently it is very effective.
Some other guy who doesn’t type in caps comes on and tells me that the CD I have won’t work on that computer. Doesn’t matter now anyway, since the computer has been smashed into tiny little pieces with a very large axe.
So far I have been unable to recover any espionage stuff from this “Ubuntu” CD, but as I’m sure you’re all aware by now Henry the Adequate is not one to give up easily, unless I really want to.
Fortunately some guy just gave me something called a “Pentium three” so stay tuned for Henry’s Damn Ubuntu Review, Part Two, “The Hippie’s Revenge”.
22 responses to “Henry’s Damn Ubuntu Review”
Disclaimer: Ubuntu folks are actually very friendly and polite and generally don’t go around calling each other “STUPID NOOB”
It scares me that I enjoyed Henry’s Damn Ubuntu Review. Now I have to read the rest. Always been a sucker for series. Ok so my first reaction was : “What the…”
Comment moderation from a SuperHero, how could you!!!
Welcome. Glad you enjoyed it.
With comment moderation turned on I get a blogger email telling me which post the comment applies to, as well as the comment content. Without it the email does not give me this information, which makes it extremely difficult to reply.
Anonymous November 30th, 2005 at 08:19
This review was awesome Henry! I love your style of writing, its what I am looking for on my site http://www.linuxgangster.org
If your interested in writing for Linuxgangster.org shoot me a email at firstname.lastname@example.org . We need writers like you!
What exactly is Ubuntu?? I’m lost…
Yeah, good point.
Hint: This post has nothing to do with the ongoing storyline.
Ubuntu is an age-old African term for humaneness - for caring, sharing and being in harmony with all of creation. As an ideal, it promotes co-operation between individuals, cultures and nations.
ahhh now it’s all coming together;)
Yeah, you can just feel all the caring, sharing, and harmony emanating from Henry during this story. At least that’s what I was aiming for.
My favourite section was “First Impressions” because it was easiest to write, and it’s not as boring as the others.
lol! You’re funny!
I think the word you’re looking for is “weird”, but thanks anyway.
Okay, you’re funny in a weird sort of way. :p
Surpisingly, I enjoyed reading this review, hopefully there will be a little less axe action in the future.
By the way anyone find out what that WTF is all about?
Actually the axe action is my favourite part, so expect lots more of that.
I think it means “Water the flowers, please”
Yes, certainly a little caring during his axe action would show that he’s because more manure…huh, I meant mature!!!
Gotta go check the next back installement!
Yeah, ok, I’ll see what I can do.
Oh dear! I just relaised that I haven’t written a post onword verfication. I need to write one, even if you, Ben are the only that will read it.
Yes I am a legend in the getting it wrong department vis a vis Word Verification.
Anonymous December 2nd, 2005 at 19:29
This review sucks. It is not funny. It is weak. There is nothing useful here at all.
Anonymous December 4th, 2005 at 21:12
This review’s great. It is so funny.It is strong. Everything in it is useful.
The review is mildly ok. Exactly half of it is funny. It is of average strength. Exactly half of it is useful.
- me taking the middle ground
[...] This is part two of my fantastic review of Ubuntu 5.10. In part one we discovered that this version of the operating symptom does not work on older computers with megaraid controllers. We also discovered that it doesn’t work all that well on one that has been hacked into smallish pieces with a very large axe. [...]