My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero
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  • A Lucky Break

    Posted on February 5th, 2007 Ben 8 comments

    …And in this moment, as I gaze longingly and fearfully up the full length of her perfectly athletic legs and feel the sweat of her body dripping about my face, I realize firstly that this might not be such a bad way to go after all, and secondly that the salt of her perspiration on my cracked, ice-burned lips really really hurts.

    Yes, there is pain. There is humiliation. There is dread fear, but there is also desire, anticipation, passion, and a deeply primal lust beyond anything I have ever experienced. Why, the sensations are so incredibly intense my bones are aching for her, my mouth watering as she lowers herself to me, my ears ringing…

    “Oh, fuck!” She goes to answer the phone. Strangely enough the ringing in my ears stops the instant she picks up the receiver. Clearly this is a phenomenon that deserves a careful analysis, but there is no time for that now. I must listen to her conversation, taking in each syllable and nuance so that my superheroic brain can figure out some way for us to escape. “What? You’re fucking kidding! Crap! Fuck! I’ll be right there.” And she is gone, pausing only to instruct the hideous Androgynous Snowman creature to watch us until her return.

    “Wow, lucky break!” enthuses Mr Enthusiasm.

    “Uh, yes,” I respond with conviction, managing to hide the strange sense of all-pervading loss that washes over me like an ocean of all-pervading loss. “Right… lucky…”

    “I think I have a plan!” Mr Enthusiasm eyes the snowman, who is currently slumped on the far side of the room and staring at us like a giant mutant snowman with no genitalia who would really rather just kill us right now but can’t because his evil mistress with really great legs told him to keep us for her return. All things considered I am very impressed at the expressiveness of his slumping and his staring. Mr Enthusiasm, who no doubt is similarly impressed, has apparently decided that the Snowman must have some kind of super hearing, for he lowers his voice to a mere whisper, and continues. “We make a run for it and then when he chases us outside, we melt him with a giant magnifying glass!”

    “Do you have a giant magnifying glass?”

    “Uh, no.” I think I may have spotted a flaw in Mr E’s plan. “Also, we need to escape from this ice first.” Actually, there may be a couple of flaws, but I don’t want to go desponderizing him or anything.

    “I see,” I respond, helpfully, because I am a really helpful superhero guy, and definitely not a sad and pathetic figure of a man encased in a block of ice, tongue and penis hanging out, pining for the return of she who will surely destroy me.

    “If only we had some way of melting the ice, I’m sure I could come up with something - some way to destroy this creature.”

    “If only.”

    “Hey!!” he whispers, enthusiastically and with multiple exclamation points, which is quite an achievement really, considering the whispering. “Do you think you could reach the blowtorch?” Indeed, said device has been carelessly cast aside by The Bees Knees - much like myself actually - and could even be within reach.

    My arms are still mostly frozen stiff, but there is some small amount of movement. “I may be able to hook it with my flamethrower.” Yes. That just might work.

    “What?”

    “I may be able to…”

    “Flamethrower?”

    “What?” Oh, right…

     

    8 responses to “A Lucky Break”

    1. Miss Ann Thrope

      See, this is why I nominated you for Most Romantic Male blogger.

      I really think you should take up writting erotica as a second career.

    2. “Most Romantic Male Blogger”? Geez, why not go all the way and nominate me for “Most Romantic Female Blogger”.

      This leaves me all conflicted - do I go with my competitive instincts and change what was about to happen, because I’m pretty sure incinerating The Bees Knees would not be considered terribly romantic, or do I just soldier on, ignoring all potential awards, advice to “make Henry more likable”, death threats, etc.

      But, you know, thanks.

    3. Your bone is not romantic
      I mean
      You don’t have romantic bone in your body…I’d vote you for the most nakedest while watching alligators

      If the nominatin button worked, of course

    4. “You don’t have a romantic bone in your body”

      Yeah, I know one or two women who would agree wholeheartedly.

    5. Now I see……..hmmm…….most romantic? I guess I can see that Mr. CF.

    6. Miss Ann Thrope

      Oh please! You are totally romantic. Look at all the sexcapades Henry has endured enjoyed.

      Really.

    7. Miss Ann Thrope

      PS: it’s why they call them the really stupid blog aways. I won the Blogger so sweet and nice it gives you a headache award.

      Course, all of that is true…

    8. Windfall:
      Yeah, I am sooooooooooo romantic, sometimes I even want myself. But that’s another story, and one that could probably do without the telling…

      Miss Ann:
      Now that is really weird, because just the other day I was thinking, “Why, Miss Ann is so sweet an nice my brain hurts when I think about it.”

      Now I know why.