My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero
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  • Henry Thinks About Stuff

    Posted on January 8th, 2007 Ben 39 comments

    The tropical summer sun beats down, like a club on the skull of a baby seal. It is a day of contemplation, of lazy, deep, sometimes disturbing thoughts. Memories. The heat a reflection of past passions, draws, drains, flows, an endless river of timeless perspiration.

    It is a good day; a day of celebration, for it seems the fiendishly clever Androgynous Snowman has finally met his doom, consumed by a hungry diner while disguised as a bowl of ice-cream. Now that’s what I call too clever for one’s own good. That, and the time I went deep undercover to infiltrate a drug cartel disguised as Henry the Adequate, Superhero.

    Yeah, not totally brilliant. Next time I think I’ll try going as a cop.

    But my thoughts turn to past failures, like a chill wind howling through the towering caverns of this brain. Opportunities missed. Villains inadvertently released. Innocents incinerated. The face of a high school crush, unresolved. Her lips. Her eyes. Her potential willingness. My adolescent fears and insecurities. And, of course, there was the time I destroyed the multiverse, which was also a bit of a downer, but not nearly on the same scale as words unspoken…

    Again, the chill wind of regret blazes about my shoulders, like the breath of an enormous evil snowman…. Actually, I don’t think that was regret…

     

    39 responses to “Henry Thinks About Stuff”

    1. I keep clicking on you to keep another CLOTHED person on 25peeps!

    2. Ah, I was wondering about that. Or more specifically, wondering why I was getting any clicks at all, seeing as how I am conspicuously un-naked in the photo.

      Oh, and in case my other reader is wondering what this is all about… 25peeps.com

    3. Ok, I clicked…I’m the other reader? I thought I was the only reader. .How often can I click?

    4. I have no idea.

    5. I think you can click every 30 minutes. If Ben stays on longer than 13 days, he’ll make it to the Hall of Fame. Also, I did not submit my picture the way it is. I actually have a HEAD and I submitted it. It was not the gratuitous midsection shot that appears.

    6. I’m all for gratuitous midsection shots, but actually prefer that photo with head attached. Also, who is Brittany Murphy?

    7. She’s a B or C list actress. Naturally…..I couldn’t resemble an A lister. No, mine had to be a B/C/D lister. It’s a cruel world.

    8. Oh, did I mention she was once engaged to (GAG) Ashton Kutcher now married to (GAG) Demi Moore?

    9. No, you did not mention.

      But I can sympathize - after all, my writing resembles a Q list hack with no talent and an enormous backlist of unpaid parking fines.

      Don’t ask about the parking fines.

    10. I won’t ask about the parking fines, but I’m still clicking you.

    11. Though I might not show my appreciation, on account of being an insensitive clod, I do, in fact, appreciate your clickerizing, and sincerely hope you do not suffer any long-term strain in your clicking finger as a result.

      Also, thanks for not asking about the parking fines.

    12. Parking fines?

    13. oh and Ben, any chance of you starting your own photo blog? ’cause I’m really tired of reading and well I’ll miss visiting the only place where I’m neither welcome nor wanted. And that ‘take no prisoner’ crap of yours can be really soothing. Having said that I know I don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell, so adios You That Will Always Be So Fucking Good ;)

    14. I like that “clickerizing” word. May I adapt it for my own use? After all, I did not ask about the “p fines.” By the way, thank you for my concern for my clickerizing anatomy. So far, I’m fine. I would like for 25peeps to put my head back on. It’s hard being a headless sex symbol although others on there are headless as well. Nonetheless, I feel ever so much sexier with my head actually on. I rather like my legs as well.

    15. Lorraine:
      I asked you not to mention the parking fines :)

      Also I completely suck at photography, so the likelihood of seeing a photo blog from me any time soon is, well, it just ain’t gonna happen.

      I have “take no prisoner” crap? Cool.

      Windfall:
      re “clickerizing” - Hey, steal away. It’s what I do.

      You know, with your head removed it adds a whole “air of mystery” thing. Or a “Headless horseman” thing. One of those. But what do I know.

      I rather like my toenails, but nobody else does. It’s just a burden I have to bear, and am kinda sensitive about it. Sniff.

      I also make up shit. Not very funny shit, as I’m sure you can see, but there you go.

    16. I think you’re pretty damned funny. And you have a cute face. Don’t tell me about your “arse” again though. TMI.

    17. **chuckles** Will try to restrain myself.

    18. What’s your record for comments? I think this is 18 now.

    19. I have no idea.

      Normal is two, counting my replay. And that’s only if Lorraine is reading.

    20. … but the record is probably fifty or more, because one of my posts was linked on Slashdot.

    21. Slashdot? I just went there. News for nerds? And 50 came here and commented? Did you run them all off after they visited once? Wow, 50 is still awesome. In fact, maybe the press should be following you instead of Kate Middleton! Who’s Lorraine? Is she a commoner or royalty? Has her face been on a tea towel?

    22. Ok, found the post - it was this one. There were 121 comments and I don’t remember how many hits - 20000? 50000? Don’t recall.

      Slashdot has a lot of readers, most of them arrogant morons with no sense of humor if the comments I received are anything to go on. Either that or they are arrogant morons with a great sense of humor and I just can’t write. Either way, I’m pretty sure about the “arrogant morons” part.

      I didn’t have to run them off, because mostly they hated it.

      Lorraine: Great photographer, and my regular reader.

      Not sure about the tea towel.

    23. Cute Face, thanks for the link. I think I’d be in therapy if I received those comments — well, some of them anyway. I don’t want to say anything about those readers; they might come haunt me. Are you in the UK?

    24. P.S. Don’t you think that woman with the black leather gloves on has probably gotten smarmy arms from wearing that leather for this long? If we stay on over 13 days, we’ll make it into the peeps Hall of Fame. Are you game? Is Henry? It’s time for breakfast CF. Cheerio!

    25. Re comments: It didn’t do my head in too bad. Guess I’m just not in a place where I give a shit what six billion strangers think about me.

      I am in Australia.

      re black leather gloves: Hadn’t considered it. I like the way your brain works ;)

      re staying on 25creeps for 13 days: I am game in a really detached sort of way. Being at something of a creative low point right now it doesn’t matter to me too much if I get hits or don’t.

    26. CF - Australia? Oh wow. That’s so cool. I bet you have one of those cool accents. I do too.

      25creeps…….LOL……I love that. I don’t know why I care, and I wish didn’t. I think it’s my competitive streak. My parents warped me as a child.

      You don’t seem as though you’re at a creative low point. I find your comments witty and amusing.

    27. Oh, no, we do not have an accent here - everybody else in the world does. So, what kind of a cool accent do you have?

      My parent warped me more. Why I am sooooo warped….. Sorry, competitive.

      Oh, I’m at a low point alright.
      1. When I’m on my game I write a new post every day. Right now you’re lucky to see one per week.

      2. It’s not coming easy.

      3. I don’t like anything I’ve written recently.

    28. Re accent, think Scarlett O’Hara and you’ve got it.

      Re warping, how many years of therapy have you had? I can beat you.

      Re low point, I’m having writer’s block really bad. I mean, when you’ve got a windfall, it’s hard writing about how you’re spending your money when you realize how badly some people need to eat.

      Re daily posting, I was doing it too. Now I post comments daily in your blog. But I like it. It’s stimulating. Your retorts are funny.

      Plus, you’re writing really out of body kind of stuff. Mine is just life.

    29. Well, I never saw Gone With the Wind, so will just have to imagine… Ok, got it. Niiiiiiice.

      Therapy: None, so it’s probably best if you stay clear - I could explode at any moment.

      Windfall: Came into some money then? Good for you, I say. I found twenty bucks once, and enjoyed every penny of it. What’s that thing they say - The Lord Giveth and the taxman taketh away. Of course I’m an atheist, and therefore don’t believe in the taxman.

      So, I’m not just out of my head, but totally out of the body altogether? Thanks :)

      The only reason I make up stuff is I have no life of my own to speak of. Oh, and also to make mega-bucks from adsense advertising. This blog has been going a year and a quarter, and so far I have been paid only slightly less than one time.

    30. Gee whiz you guys go on and on…Way to go girl, Ben has never, ever been so loquacious, unless the woman is a bitch, is a lesbian, has big-boobs, or is drop-dead gorgeous like YOU ;)

      He totally ignores me and tells me to go away…that’s what it like the most about him, oh and the cute face :)

    31. I am Loquacious of Borg, and you will be assimilated.

      Sorry, couldn’t resist.

      But you are right; I have been totally taking you for granted. After all, you do have big boobs, right?

    32. Shit I thought it was my sexy eyebrows…

    33. It was mostly your eyebrows.

    34. CF and Lorraine, I love loquacious men. Thanks for the compliment Lorraine. And I haven’t even SEEN your eyebrows.

    35. and WW, I don’t do tea towels, or mug shots…you’ll want to continue visiting Ben, he’s funny as hell and a genius. That’s why I let him get away wih being an insensitive sod…probably won’t be too rude to you, considering how you look …
      how quickly do men fall at our feet anyway?

      and Ben thanks for the eyebrow notice.

    36. I nearly had a mugshot yesterday. I was pulled over for an expired license. Then the policeman noticed my license had expired. Two tickets for one pullover. It was nothing short of a miracle (even if you are an atheist) that I managed to get a new license and new tag decal in two hours.

      So Ben’s a genius? Hmmm that makes Lorraine one too since you two hang out together.

      I do so love hanging out with geniuses. I always hope it rubs off.

    37. Hmmmm. I am trying to get a feel for the time difference.

    38. Wow! It’s 15 hours! Gosh……can you tell me if I’m going to have a good day tommorrow?

    39. Well, before you ask; No, I am not allowed to give you the lottery numbers. Sorry. If I do that again I’ll lose all time travel privileges.

      And Lorraine, you’re welcome, but don’t let those eyebrows go to your head…. Anyway, they’re totally why you’re my favorite stalker visitor.

      I live across the road from two policemen. They’re watching me, waiting for me to make a mistake. But I will not slip up. They will not find where the body is buried - down the back behind the chook shed. ***diabolical laughter with a strong hint of paranoia***