My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero
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  • Henry Hunts the Snowman

    Posted on January 3rd, 2007 Ben 8 comments

    My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero. But I may have already mentioned that. At some juncture. Still, I suppose there is no point taking any chances, since most of my readers are morons. Present company excluded, naturally…

    To begin again; my name is Henry the Adequate, superhero, and I am busy questioning some bystanders to what may very well have been a sighting of The Androgynous Snowman, evil mastermind and criminal genius.

    “It was a bowl of ice-cream.”

    “Are you sure?” The Androgynous Snowman is, after all, a master of disguise whose powers of Appearing To Be Someone Else are second only to my own.

    “Quite.”

    “The Androgynous Snowman is a master of disguise, not to mention a complete cad,” I explain, with a turn of phrase that is as classy as it is completely out-of-character. I hurry on, in the hope that the reader is not clever enough to immediately conclude that the author has just been watching The Blackadder, and also relieved at the realization that the likelihood of anybody clever or intelligent reading this is vanishingly small, much like the likelihood of my rescuing this sentence from the grammatical graveyard in which it surely belongs… “Why he is sooooo good at disgu……”

    “Look,” interrupts the two dimensional character whom I have not bothered to describe. And a very welcome interruption it is too, because I have no idea how I was going to fix that last paragraph… “Let’s assume for the sake of argument that it was indeed this Abominable…”

    “Androgynous,” I interject, for the sake of accuracy, and also to draw attention even further from the earlier embarrassing material…

    “… whatever Snowman. Let’s assume for a moment it was this Snowman, and not a bowl of ice-cream. Well, I’ve eaten it, so there - your problem is solved. Now fuck off.”

    But wait! If it was the Snowman, and this person has eaten it, then my problem is solved! Excellent!

     

    8 responses to “Henry Hunts the Snowman”

    1. Oh Ben, you sure know how to excite your viewers–viewer…I think I’d be annoyed If I got only one viewer, I would want that viewer to sod off.. . and, yet

    2. Yes, well, I’m trying to get rid of my last remaining reader, but so far no luck. Dammit.

    3. You have a very nice face.

    4. You should see my arse.

    5. Unsubmit unsubmit unsubmit!

    6. Well, I was going to keep clicking on you on peeps……but……

    7. You’re a little scary, in a twisted sort of way. But I kind of like that in a person.. or superhero…

      Whatever.

    8. Windfall:
      Just exercising my super powers of driving people away. Nothing personal.

      Lara:
      Sorry, I’m not allowed to talk to naked women, but if I were I’d probably say something about fear being the little death and nobody would notice I was ripping off a line from Frank Herbert or anything. I get away with stuff like that because of my amazing powers of getting away with stuff. Unfortunately I am not permitted to say any of those things, which is a pity really, because of the cleverness.