My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero
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  • New Beers Steve

    Posted on December 31st, 2006 Ben 2 comments

    My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero.

    Tonight I patrol the streets in search of the Androgynous Snowman. I think I am getting close, when all about me there erupts a cacophony of howling and cheering and bustling, and singing - some song about “Old Lana Lang” and some kind of sign. Who would have guessed Smallville was so popular in this town.

    There are many uproarious cries of “Have a new beer”, which apparently is some sort of new brand or something. Or maybe it was “Happy Nude Beer!” Whichever. I pause to admire those breweries and there amazing advertising slogans, but not for long - there is important superheroing to be done. I head for the end of the block, where I am almost certain I may have nearly seen the evil snowman fiend doing some dastardly stuff, but am suddenly accosted by a strangely unstable man.

    “Have a new beer!” he slurs such that I begin to suspect that perhaps the speech-stealing monster has returned to claim yet another victim. “I’m drunk!” Or he could just be drunk.

    “I am Henry the Adequate, superhero, and I must be leaving no…” I begin.

    “What’s yer new beer revolution?”

    Revolution? Of course! How could I have been so blind? With all the power and speed of my superheroic muscles I burst into mind-boggling action. Like a furious dervish I smash the beer bottle from his hand and head back the way I have come, diving bravely into the crowd, like a fearless tiger, or a strawberry, knocking evil demonized drinks from hands to the left, and the right, so swiftly that none could see.

    “Hey, that guy just stole my drink!”

    Well, almost none could see. Anyway, you can’t prevent the Androgynous Snowman from starting a revolution without breaking a few eggs - particularly if the eggs happen to be insurgents. Damn those revolutionary eggs.

    And damn you, Androgynous Snowman, for your cunning plan to take over the world with psycho-hypnotic Beer!

    “Fuck! Fuckin drink knockerer!”

    Ok, maybe a couple of them noticed, but I have no time to worry about any of that, for it appears an angry mob is currently attempting to pound me into the pavement, for some reason. Most likely it is because I have stumbled onto the Truth and will soon expose the chaos lords for the rotten eggs they truly are.

    Damn those Snowman Chaos Lord minions and their rotten revolutionary eggs.

     

    2 responses to “New Beers Steve”

    1. I roared
      “Have a new beer”
      “Happy Nude Beer”

      “Fuck! Fuckin drink knockerer!”

      LOL it’s so good to have you back.

      If I’d be in a huge party, I’d steal these….

      Instead, I’ll watch Smallville :)

    2. Happy New Year! I know you are already into 2007 by now. Here we are getting ready for counting down in a few more minutes. Best wishes for 2007! Keep on writing.