Henry, Fixer Upper, Part 2Posted on November 30th, 2006 9 comments
I pause. “What?”
“Is that, um, petrol you’re about to pour on my computer?”
“Napalm actually,” I respond, helpfully, “It is the only surefire cure for a Windows infection. Trust me, I’m a superhero.”
“But…” he protests, as though there may be some kind of unforeseen downside to what I am about to do, “There has to be another way!”
“Sorry, no,” I explain, carefully explaining the situation in great detail. I begin to tip…
“Please, my data!!!” he pleads. I am uncertain what the problem might be, but the desperation in his voice gives me pause. Also, he offers to pay twice my normal fee.
“Well, there is one thing I could do…”
“Yes, yes, please do that one thing.”
I start up the computer, inserting my Debian Live CD, and wait a few minutes for the desktop to appear.
“What’s that?” he asks, nervously.
“It’s technical,” I explain, continuing with my really helpful explaining skills. “Please stand back - You don’t want to get sprayed with poisonous photon-rays from this nasty Windows virus.”
“Of course.” He complies, gratitude and fear warring for control of his features.
Soon I am at the KDE desktop. I mount his Windows partition, taking extra care to avoid the dreaded Capacitor Bounce Syndrome. Yes sir, CBS has claimed many a careless Windows Administrator. Anyway, I then start up Konqueror, type “fish://firstname.lastname@example.org″ to connect to one of my super duper servers, enter my password when prompted, and copy the contents of his Windows partition to the server.
“Well, that wasn’t so technical. Don’t see why I should pay you so much to just drag and drop stuff.” He frowns, as though he is unhappy about something or other. Damn those Debian people for making this so easy.
“Oh well,” I shrug, charging my flamethrower and reaching for the axe, “You have a will, right?”
9 responses to “Henry, Fixer Upper, Part 2”
Damn straight! If I have to fix one more Winblows machine I am definitely suggesting the petrol fix. And then hand them Linux distribution CD of their choice. Hurray for Linux. Burn that horrid Windows. I kind of feel like I am at a witch trial and burning those evil windows witches on an assemblage of stakes, running around them half naked chanting hippie slogans about the benefit of FOSS.
Use the napalm, it’s not your fault the computer data wasn’t backed up. Silly people.
Constructive Criticism Henry…you must accept and not flamethrow
Hmmm, half naked.
Hmmm….. what? I don’t think so!
Are you punishing me? ’cause I can’t post any photos this morning…Mr. Deadworry and I have talked about you in his latest post, is that why I can’t post any photos this morning?
Strangely enough, there are one or two things that go wrong in this universe that are not even slightly related to me.
Not many, mind you.
mmm are you sure, ’cause it’s really a bitch…had to temp. switched to ordinary blogger, I tell you I’m no fucking good! oops wrong blog - I mean I’m no superhero
I didn’t do it. Really.
Back to Beta…did it by osmosis, thank you, you’re a superhero