My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero
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  • Henry’s Guide to Financing Your Free or Open Source Project and Really Long Article Titles

    Posted on April 26th, 2006 Ben 13 comments

    My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero computer guy.

    As I’m sure you are all aware, I am a computer programming guru and master leet haxxzor. Such is my fame and great typing skills that I have become an integral part of the Free and Open Source communities. Linus himself calls me for advice - things like “Should I go with a monolithic kernel?”, “How should we handle binary drivers?”, and “Will you stop pretending that you know me - I’ll sue, dammit!” Developers and project leaders come to me for assistance all the time, and leet chick haxxzors swoon at my feet like professional swooners who are really good at swooning.

    Of all the problems that I am called upon by my less-guru-like bretheren to solve the most common is that of finance. How does one go about fundraising for one of those things? Here, in no particular order, are the suggestions I generally offer, and you will find no pie drives, or chook raffles, or prostitution rackets herein, because I am a class act and stuff.

    1. Take control of the blimp at some major sporting event, using those rad cracking skills and the wireless capabilities of a PSP, and broadcast your message for all to see. Remember, only use l33t speak to weed out the morons and plebes.
    2. Crash the blimp in some spectacular and ultimately fatal fashion, which is bound to get you on the news - possibly worldwide - if you do it right. It will also get you free room and board for a very long time.
    3. Become a polygamist and send all of your wives and/or husbands to work in the mines or (**shudder**) retail.
    4. Challenge the Defence mainframe to a game of Global Thermonuclear War. Sell your story to the highest bidder, if there is anybody left to bid…
    5. Get a whole heap of guys to program for free. Wait. That will never work.
    6. Write buggy, insecure code, because this is what the people want, and if you give the people what they want they will beat a path to your door. Remember, billions of Windows users can’t be wrong.
    7. Treat your users like criminals for the reasons stated above, and also because it works for Sony.
    8. Advertise on TV. Your lack of financial success to date is all because you have failed to worship at the altar of television. Don’t worry about paying for the ads - just hack into the network’s computers and give yourself a credit. I recommend advertising during Baywatch reruns, because that’s your target demographic right there, and also because it gives you an excuse to tape the show - you know, to check up on your ads.
    9. Get a breast enlargement so then you can sell advertising space on ebay. It doesn’t matter if you’re a guy - this will still work.
    10. Speaking of ebay - sell copies of your Free Sofware on CD for $500. Those morons will pay anything for anything.
    11. Try prostitution. Ok, I lied. Sorry, no refunds.

    I could go on with brilliant ideas like these forever, because of my superheroic brain, but I won’t, because I don’t want to; and also because I need to save some for Part Two.

    Oh, yeah, one last thing - really long article titles are great.

     

    13 responses to “Henry’s Guide to Financing Your Free or Open Source Project and Really Long Article Titles”

    1. What can I say. This was so good that I had to link to it.

      Sorry.

      Now the Debian hordes will slashdot your blog, but you asked for it writing something like that.

    2. Thanks Christian. I will put the kettle on.

    3. You had me at ‘master leet haxxzor’…where can I send you all my cash, my car, my house (my landlord’s, but I’ll get around him) my credit line, my credit card, my son’s legacy and my three cats.

    4. I cant believe it!

      Someone stole the news from my site and put it at TuxMachines! ;-)

      Muuuhhaaaaaaaaa, now not only Debian hordes will assault you, but Linux hordes will stomp all over your site!

    5. Lorraine:
      Leave it all under that big rock down by the park.

      Christian:
      Well it’s an important ground breaking article. Anyway, I can handle it. I will just add a few more mega hurts to my CPU.

    6. This is too much!! (I LOVE it. Imagine LOVE is written in joined on 60s hippie outline type writing.)

      Here is something for you in return…

      1. Write super guide to “Financing Your Free or Open Source Project.” (Done.)
      2. Expand and publish on LuLu.com
      3. ???
      4. Profit.

      (Oh, please be sure to send some of that profit to fund my Free Software projects:

      http://sourceforge.net/projects/zbcw
      (In a state of suspended animation.)

      http://sourceforge.net/projects/nanoppix
      (Never did get off the ground - but with funding!!!)

      Or my other fun and educational STUFF!

      http://www.ourmedia.org/user/17145

      What STUFF!

      all the best,

      drew

    7. Thanks Drew. Yes, I am bound to make stacks and stacks of money from this article. :)

      I particularly like step three. That’s a brilliant one.

    8. [...] Funding Your OSS Project Having tried to get funding for the last few years for GnosisLIMS, I thought I’d tried everything…. Apparently not, Henry the Adequate has a list of super ideas to fund your open source development: Of all the problems that I am called upon by my less-guru-like bretheren to solve the most common is that of finance. How does one go about fundraising for one of those things? Here, in no particular order, are the suggestions I generally offer, and you will find no pie drives, or chook raffles, or prostitution rackets herein, because I am a class act and stuff. Some of my favorites involve getting implants to sell advertising space on ebay, and “Get a whole heap of guys to program for free”.  Good stuff. [...]

    9. Thanks for the link.

    10. My breasts suddenly feel larger for some reason.

    11. Yes. I had noticed. Didn’t want to mention it.

    12. [...] Henry’s Guide to Financing Your Free or Open Source Project [...]

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