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Category » The Wisdom of Henry « @ Henry the Adequate
My name is Henry the Adequate, and I am a superhero
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  • The Wisdom of Henry #163

    Posted on March 21st, 2007 Ben 5 comments

    I met a man on the road. He said, “Hey, man, you’re naked.”

    “Sure,” I said, remembering the words of my ancient mentor.

    “Henry,” croaked my mentor, as he lay on his deathbed, eating pie. “Henry,” he said, “The most important weapon you can have as a superhero is a good comeback.”

    “Oh yeah?” I replied, “Well, you haven’t seen my new flamethrower. It has a hair trigger!” Which is where the deathbed part comes in. “Oops… Bugger.”

    So, anyway, “Sure,” I said, remembering the words of my ancient mentor, “But at least my hair isn’t on fire!”

    “What? My hair isn’t on… Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!” I guess the old guy was right, after all.

  • The Wisdom of Henry #162

    Posted on February 6th, 2007 Ben 3 comments

    Honesty is the fourth best policy.

    The best policies, in order, are as follows:

    1. Don’t get caught
    2. The Big Lie
    3. Blame the other guy
    4. Wear cotton underwear
    5. Honesty

    Ok, so Honesty came in fifth, not fourth, but the underwear thing is really really important, you know, and anyway, stop being so bloody pedantic.

  • The Wisdom of Henry #161

    Posted on February 2nd, 2007 Ben 7 comments

    We live in a world of decreasing diversity, which somehow manages to promote the illusion of increasing diversity. We live in a world of chocolate frogs and caffeinated donuts, and meaningless dialog disguised as meaningful dialog. A world of deep-seated fear, of fluoride mind-control techniques, of giant androgynous snowmen and gleaming silver robot lords with their evil plans of universal chaos and their chocolate frogs. Or did I already mention the frogs?

    Anyway, we’ll see how quickly your “political correctness” and your “multiculturalism” and your “human rights” are discarded when the cheap, abundant oil runs out and survival becomes a struggle once more. Such worthless extremes will disappear with the easy life, and then we’ll see who’s insane for having a flamethrower surgically implanted in his forearm.

    This announcement brought to you by the Henry the Adequate Survival League. Send cash. No, screw that, send gold and silver, and bullets.

  • The Wisdom of Henry #160

    Posted on December 19th, 2006 Ben 5 comments

    Be careful what you wish for. Or else. I have a flamethrower you know.

  • The Wisdom of Henry #159

    Posted on December 4th, 2006 Ben 7 comments

    In the end, when all is said and done, you can really only count on yourself. Or a calculator. An abacus, slide rule, your fingers, that ancient computer thingy those guys found.

    But apart from that you are totally on your own.

  • The Wisdom of Henry #158

    Posted on November 23rd, 2006 Ben 7 comments

    Superness is next to godliness.

    Or was that cleanliness? Yes, of course, Superness is next to cleanliness.

    Well, not next to, so much as inside of. Superness is inside of cleanliness.

    Well, not so much cleanliness, as “the pub”, and not so much Superness, as Henry. Henry is inside of the pub. Which is pretty damn close to godliness, when you think about it.

  • The Wisdom of Henry #157

    Posted on November 20th, 2006 Ben 5 comments

    Look!

    Up in the sky!

    Is it a bird?

    Is it a plane?

    Is it a pizza?

    Is it a postmodern representation of historical truth, expressed from the viewpoint of Thomas the Tank Engine via the medium of mime?

    Actually, I think it might be the sun.

    Sorry, false alarm.

  • The Wisdom of Henry #156

    Posted on November 12th, 2006 Ben 8 comments

    Never trust a man with peanut butter stains on his collar.

  • The Wisdom of Henry #155

    Posted on November 7th, 2006 Ben 3 comments

    Laugh, and the world laugh’s with you. Cry, and you’ve probably anticipated this punchline.

  • The Wisdom of Henry #154

    Posted on November 4th, 2006 Ben 9 comments

    The soul is the province of religion.

    Music is the mathematics of the soul.

    Computers are just applied mathematics.

    Therefore Computers are holy. And God is a divide-by-zero error.